Neurodivergent Shapeshifting: When ADHD Looks Like Adaptability, Not Distraction
When people think of ADHD, they often picture restlessness, impulsivity, or distraction. But that’s not the whole story—especially for many neurodivergent adults.
Sometimes, ADHD doesn’t look like hyperactivity. It looks like shapeshifting.
At my therapy practice in Limerick, I often meet clients who have spent their lives adapting to others. They’re the flexible ones. The easygoing ones. The low-maintenance friends, partners, or colleagues. They mirror the energy in the room. They suppress their preferences. They say “whatever works for you” without even pausing to ask themselves what they actually want.
This isn’t people-pleasing. It’s protection.
What Is Neurodivergent Shapeshifting?
Neurodivergent shapeshifting is the tendency to camouflage your needs, tone yourself down, or adjust your behaviour in order to stay safe or avoid judgment. It often develops as a learned response—especially for those who were never properly understood or supported.
Many adults with ADHD, especially those diagnosed later in life, describe feeling like they’ve lost touch with who they really are. Years of masking and adapting can lead to:
Burnout and emotional exhaustion
Resentment in relationships
Difficulty identifying personal preferences or boundaries
A deep sense of invisibility
Why It Matters in Therapy
If you’re neurodivergent and in therapy—or thinking about starting—it’s important to know this: insight is not the same as well-being. You can be self-aware, articulate, even high-achieving—and still be deeply exhausted from the effort of constantly adapting.
Therapy should be a place where you don’t have to mask. Where you’re not just accepted, but understood.
Reclaiming Your Space
Burnout recovery for ADHD and other forms of neurodivergence isn’t just about rest. It’s about relief—relief from having to be someone you’re not.
You do mind. You just got used to putting yourself last.
You deserve relationships, environments, and therapeutic spaces where your full self can show up.