The High-Functioning Myth: When Neurodivergent Coping Looks Like Thriving
By Robert Rackley MSc MIACP
Neurodivergent Psychotherapist | ADHD & Neurodivergence Specialist
“You seem fine.”
It’s one of the most common—and most misunderstood—phrases neurodivergent adults hear.
Especially those who appear successful, articulate, or outwardly “together.”
But what people call “high-functioning” is often nothing more than high-cost coping.
As a psychotherapist specialising in ADHD and neurodivergence, I see this every day in my practice.
What “High-Functioning” Really Looks Like
In neurodivergent mental health, high-functioning is rarely about actual wellbeing.
It’s usually about:
performing at the expense of your nervous system
masking distress in social or professional settings
suppressing sensory, emotional, or cognitive needs
quietly burning out without showing disruption
For many autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic, or otherwise neurodivergent adults, being “high-functioning” isn’t a compliment.
It’s a survival strategy.
One developed in response to unmet needs, misunderstanding, and years of internalised shame.
Insight ≠ Mental Wellness
One of the biggest misconceptions in therapy is assuming that insight equals stability.
A client may be able to:
explain their anxiety
unpack their ADHD traits
reflect deeply on past experiences
But that doesn’t mean they’re regulated.
It doesn’t mean they’re coping.
It simply means they’ve learned the language of self-analysis.
Many neurodivergent clients are praised for their insight while privately unravelling behind the scenes.
Masking Is Not Healing
Masking—the effort to appear “normal” or hide neurodivergent traits—creates the illusion of high-functioning behaviour.
Masking often looks like:
forcing eye contact when it feels distressing
suppressing stims to avoid judgement
saying “I’m fine” when completely dysregulated
meeting deadlines while in emotional shutdown
Masking may help people navigate everyday demands…
but it is exhausting, and it leads to:
burnout
anxiety
chronic overwhelm
identity confusion
emotional disconnection
Masking keeps you surviving, not thriving.
Therapy Must Go Deeper for Neurodivergent Adults
Neurodiversity-affirming therapy shifts away from the question:
“Are they functioning?”
Instead, we ask:
Are they regulated?
Are they safe in their own body?
Are their relationships supportive?
Are they masking to survive—or expressing their authentic self?
Real support means making space for:
stimming
unmasking
emotional intensity
sensory needs
honest expression
being “too much” without fear
It means challenging outdated expectations of what “wellness” should look like.
You Deserve More Than Survival
If you’ve ever felt invisible because you were still performing—this is for you.
If your distress was overlooked because you were still managing—this is for you.
If therapy ever made you feel like you had to fit in before you could be helped—this is for you.
You do not need to appear “high-functioning” to deserve care.
You do not need to be calm, quiet, or tidy to be taken seriously.
You do not need to earn rest.
You deserve support exactly as you are.
Final Thought
Let’s stop mistaking coping for thriving.
Let’s stop rewarding burnout with praise.
Let’s create spaces—therapeutic and personal—where neurodivergent people can be real, not just resilient.
If you’ve spent years “functioning” instead of thriving, you’re not alone.
My therapist-led ADHD courses offer a calm, structured way to understand your traits without pressure, masking, or shame.
Explore all courses: www.robertrackley.ie/courses