Why ADHD and Autistic Adults Struggle to Enjoy Things They Have Looked Forward To
Have you ever spent weeks looking forward to a holiday, concert, family gathering or weekend away, only to arrive and wonder:
“Why am I not enjoying this?”
For many ADHD and autistic adults, this can be a confusing and upsetting experience.
They were genuinely excited.
They wanted to go.
They planned everything carefully.
Yet once the event begins, excitement is replaced by overwhelm, exhaustion or anxiety.
Many people blame themselves.
“Maybe I didn’t really want to come.”
“Why can’t I just enjoy myself?”
“Everyone else seems to be having fun.”
In reality, enjoyment and overwhelm can exist at the same time.
Looking Forward Is Very Different From Living It
When we imagine an event, we usually picture the enjoyable parts.
Seeing family.
Going somewhere new.
Watching a favourite band.
Relaxing on holiday.
What we don’t always imagine are the invisible demands that come with it.
Travelling.
Packing.
Changes to routine.
Crowds.
Noise.
Unexpected plans.
Making decisions all day.
Constant social interaction.
By the time these demands are added together, the nervous system may already be working much harder than anyone else can see.
The Invisible Load
Many neurodivergent adults are constantly processing information that others barely notice.
Background conversations.
Bright lighting.
Changes in temperature.
Unfamiliar places.
Social expectations.
Reading facial expressions.
Planning the next step.
Remembering what needs to happen next.
Each of these may seem small.
Together, they require significant mental energy.
The Pressure To Enjoy Yourself
Special occasions often come with another invisible demand.
Expectation.
People tell us:
“You’re going to love this.”
“You’ve been looking forward to this for ages.”
“Enjoy yourself!”
Ironically, this pressure can make it even harder to relax.
Many neurodivergent adults become aware of monitoring themselves.
“Am I enjoying this enough?”
“Why am I tired already?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
It Doesn’t Mean You Made The Wrong Choice
One of the most important things I discuss with clients is that feeling overwhelmed does not mean they made the wrong decision.
Many people conclude:
“Maybe I didn’t really want to come.”
Often, that isn’t true at all.
The enjoyment is simply competing with sensory processing, executive functioning demands and nervous system overload.
Recognising this difference can replace years of unnecessary self-blame with understanding.
Understanding Your Nervous System
Many ADHD and autistic adults spend much of the day adapting to their environment.
Managing sensory input.
Monitoring conversations.
Masking differences.
Keeping track of plans.
Making countless decisions.
Eventually, the nervous system reaches capacity.
When this happens, enjoyment becomes much harder—not because the experience isn’t meaningful, but because there is very little energy left to experience it.
Therapy Can Help
Understanding your own patterns can make a significant difference.
Rather than assuming something is wrong, many people begin recognising:
- which environments drain them
- which activities genuinely restore them
- how sensory processing affects enjoyment
- how to pace themselves
- how to reduce unnecessary self-blame
This understanding often leads to greater self-compassion and more enjoyable experiences in the future.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do holidays overwhelm people with ADHD?
Holidays often involve changes in routine, decision-making, travel, sensory input and social demands. Together these can overwhelm executive functioning and the nervous system.
Can autistic adults enjoy social events but still feel overwhelmed?
Yes. Enjoyment and overwhelm are not opposites. Many autistic adults genuinely enjoy social events while also finding them cognitively and sensory demanding.
Why do I feel guilty for not enjoying myself?
Many people assume they should feel happy simply because an event is enjoyable. When overwhelm is present, this can create unnecessary guilt and self-criticism.
Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy
If these experiences sound familiar, you are not alone.
I provide neurodiversity-affirming psychotherapy for adults with ADHD, autism and AuDHD, helping clients better understand their nervous system, reduce self-blame and develop practical strategies that work with—not against—their neurodivergence.
Find out more:
- ADHD Therapy: https://robertrackley.ie/adhd-therapy/
- Autism Therapy: https://robertrackley.ie/autism-therapy/
- Online Therapy: https://robertrackley.ie/online-counselling/
- Contact: https://robertrackley.ie/contact/
