Why You Don’t Always Trust Yourself
Many ADHD and autistic adults spend years questioning themselves.
“Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Perhaps I’ve misunderstood.”
“I’m probably making a bigger deal of this than it is.”
“Maybe everyone else is right.”
For many people, these thoughts become automatic.
Not because they lack intelligence.
Not because they’re incapable.
But because they’ve spent years learning not to trust their own experiences.
How Does This Happen?
Many neurodivergent adults grow up receiving messages that their experiences are somehow wrong.
They may have been told they were:
- Too sensitive.
- Too emotional.
- Lazy.
- Dramatic.
- Careless.
- Overthinking.
- Not trying hard enough.
Often these comments weren’t intended to cause harm.
But hearing them repeatedly can slowly erode confidence in your own judgement.
Instead of asking,
“What do I think?”
You begin asking,
“What does everyone else think?”
Over time, trusting yourself starts to feel much harder than trusting everyone else.
Self-Doubt Becomes the Default
When you’ve spent years feeling misunderstood, self-doubt can become automatic.
You might:
- Constantly second-guess decisions.
- Read messages over and over before sending them.
- Apologise even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
- Ask for reassurance about things you already know.
- Assume you’ve misunderstood conversations.
- Ignore your own discomfort because someone else’s needs seem more important.
Eventually, self-doubt can feel normal.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
For many adults with ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can make trusting yourself even harder.
When criticism feels especially painful, it’s understandable that you begin questioning yourself before anyone else has the chance to.
Instead of trusting your judgement, you may assume you’ve made a mistake.
Over time, this creates a cycle where you become your own harshest critic.
If you’d like to learn more, read my article:
👉 What Rejection Feels Like With RSD
Masking Can Distance You From Yourself
Masking isn’t simply changing your behaviour.
It’s constantly checking yourself.
Am I talking too much?
Did I interrupt?
Was that the wrong thing to say?
Do I look interested enough?
Am I being too much?
After years of monitoring yourself, it becomes difficult to know what actually feels natural.
Instead of trusting your instincts, you begin trusting the version of yourself that seems most acceptable to everyone else.
If this resonates, you may also enjoy reading:
👉 Many ADHD and Autistic Adults Need Time to Recover After Socialising
Alexithymia Makes It Even More Difficult
Many ADHD and autistic adults also experience alexithymia—difficulty recognising or describing emotions.
If you don’t always know what you’re feeling, it’s understandable that you may also struggle to trust yourself.
Instead of listening to your own emotions, you may look to other people for answers.
Learning to recognise your emotions often becomes the first step towards rebuilding trust in yourself.
👉 Read more: Alexithymia – Why You Don’t Always Know What You’re Feeling
Sometimes Your Body Knows Before Your Mind
Your body often notices things long before your mind catches up.
You may notice:
- Heightened sensory sensitivity.
- Feeling unusually irritable.
- Decision paralysis.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Wanting everyone to stop talking.
- Feeling mentally exhausted.
These are often signs that your nervous system has been under pressure for longer than you’ve realised.
Learning to notice these signals helps you begin trusting your own experiences again.
👉 Related article: Why You Don’t Always Know When You’re Overwhelmed
Learning To Trust Yourself Again
Learning to trust yourself isn’t about becoming confident overnight.
It’s about recognising that your experiences matter.
Your feelings matter.
Your needs matter.
Many neurodivergent adults have spent years believing other people know them better than they know themselves.
Therapy can help you reconnect with your own thoughts, emotions and needs, allowing you to make decisions based on your own experiences rather than constant self-doubt.
It’s not about becoming someone different.
It’s about trusting the person you’ve always been.
If you enjoyed this article, you may also like:
👉 You Don’t Always Know What You Need
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About the Author
Robert Rackley MSc MIACP is an IACP-accredited psychotherapist specialising in ADHD, autism and neurodivergent mental health. Based in Limerick, Ireland, he provides neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults online internationally and in person from his Autism-Friendly Accredited practice.
Alongside therapy, Robert delivers CPD training, consultancy and conference presentations for healthcare, education and workplace organisations to improve understanding and support for neurodivergent people.
📞 083 320 6162
